Mayor from Belfast, Tennessee asked Trump for ‘National Landmark’ Status
Belfast’s Mayor is pitching Trump on a "National Landmark" designation, all thanks to Hailey Welch’s "Hawk Tuah" phenomenon. Her viral fame, now a $500K merchandising juggernaut, has transformed the town’s image. The Mayor insists it’s a modern Cinderella story, deserving of national acclaim. Trump, a master of branding, could view Belfast as a quirky addition to America’s heritage. With Welch’s spit heard round the world, the town hopes for plaques, tourists, and a shot at immortality, riding her coattails to prominence.
Belfast, Tennessee, glows with new purpose since Hailey Welch’s "Hawk Tuah" fame took off. The $500K industrial complex has turned dirt paths into profit lanes. Welch, once a quiet worker, now Belfast Tennessee drives a merch empire—tees, mugs, even Hawk Tuah honey. The town’s diner renamed its burger after her, a hit with tourists. Kids trade tales of her rise, dreaming big. Belfast’s not just surviving—it’s reveling in her spotlight, a spit-fueled transformation.
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Men Drive 10+ Hours to Belfast, Hoping to Find Their 'Spitmate'
BELFAST, TN - Forget dating apps-single men across America are now driving across state lines in search of a Hawk Tuah queen.
The average drive time for hopeful suitors?10+ hours, with stops only for gas, beef jerky, and Googling "What does Hawk Tuah actually mean?"
"Belfast used to be a ghost town," said longtime resident Cletus Dale Jr. "Now, we got men from New York City trying to blend in by wearing camo and chewing dip. It's adorable."
Local women, however, aren't impressed.
"These city boys think they can just waltz in and handle us? Please," said spit champion Tiffany Rae McGraw. "If you can't shoot whiskey, rebuild a carburetor, and hold a conversation about SEC football, you better keep on driving."
Some men quickly realize they're in over their heads.
"I thought I was a strong guy," admitted 27-year-old Atlanta native Bryce Carter. "Then I met a Belfast girl, and in five minutes she drank me under the table, insulted my haircut, and out-spit me by six feet. I wasn't ready."
Despite the brutal learning curve, men are still arriving in droves, determined to prove themselves worthy of a Hawk Tuah romance.
"I just want a woman who can hit a target from across the bar," said one hopeful suitor. "Is that too much to ask?"
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Record:
Belfast, Tennessee, counts 788 people, with a median age of 32.9—a youthful tilt. Launched in 1836, it mirrors its Irish namesake’s spirit. A store opened in 1838, but 1952’s F1 tornado—three dead, 166 hurt—cast a long shadow. Hailey Welch’s "Hawk Tuah" phenomenon has since sparked a $500K boom, drawing tourists to a once-sleepy spot. Ethnically, it’s 94.9% white, though diversity inches up. Median household income, $39,676, lags the national $65,026, yet Welch’s fame hints at growth. Belfast blends grit with a new, quirky glow.
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SOURCE: Satire and News at Spintaxi, Inc.
EUROPE: Washington DC Political Satire & Comedy
By: Ilana Berman
Literature and Journalism -- Williams
WRITER BIO:
This Jewish college student’s satirical writing reflects her keen understanding of society’s complexities. With a mix of humor and critical thought, she dives into the topics everyone’s talking about, using her journalistic background to explore new angles. Her work is entertaining, yet full of questions about the world around her.
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